Damn these testosterone pill got me feeling on a mood swing and feeling horny as fuck. got me working out to sex music LMAO. thinking dirty thoughts but only 3 more months before i can clap some cheeks. “cuz ima nasty nigga i aint never lie hit it make you wana keep the baby Kevin Federline”

Sometimes we give because we care, we help because we care, we do whatever it takes, but then again why do these things if none are apply to you? it’s not a rant or anything but the truth. People just see you as something to rely on. I’m starting to begin no body gives a shit but are there to use you in every other way. To simply put it..Your just a tool, a number to them. it fucking sickens me how much effort people put into things to turn into straight up shit. People who actually care about me for what I do would actually make a effort to continiously make the effort to continue being in their lives. So i being thinking to myself why the fuck should i make this effort. should i be the one using up my time for this. I beileve that people would only care about me if i actually did die. Fucked up as it seems you know its true. I sit back and watch everyone get something from their friends and family knowing people actually care about them. so i begin to think to myself no one gives a shit about me. that i actually have no one i can rely. i can count with my fingers who actually cares about me. shows how big my group is. Maybe special forces is the thing for me maybe i dont need to put up with the bullshit at home or where the fuck ever.

What we do in life echos in eternity so imma let my actions dictate whether or not i go home.

Sometimes i just wanna call and see how things are going. Or tell you crazy stories because your the first person that would laugh at them and the first one that would cross my mind to tell. But at the same time I just feel as if i were a distraction, getting in the way of things, or just making it worst knowing that I’m just away. Idk half of me is telling me each things, the negatives and the positives. Sometimes I just think back and tell myself that i shouldn’t have done that at all. At the same time I try telling myself its worth it. Haha, maybe i’m just over analyzing.